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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24617203">Larry-oke 6: Sex Appeal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier'>SRassier</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Larry-oke [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allison is embarrassed by her brothers, Humor, Karaoke, Sexy sing-off, Vanya may just be a lesbian, exotic dancing, sexy Luther?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:00:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24617203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hargreeves boys have a little contest during this week's Larry-oke. Not one to stand by idly, Larry joins in on the fun, never expecting who will win the whole thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Larry-oke [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Larry-oke 6: Sex Appeal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song List! (if you like to hear the songs before hand)</p><p>I highly recommend at least listening to the Trent Harmon version of Sharp Dressed Man. You really need to hear it to get the vibe I'm going for on that one.</p><p>Also, I realize that the odds of Larry having every single version of every single song I need to make these stories work is a work of fiction in and of itself but, you know...it's the Umbrella Academy singing karaoke so...cut me some slack.</p><p>I Touch Myself – The Divinyls<br/>I’ll Make Love to You<br/>She Bop by Cindi Lauper<br/>Fancy by Reba McEntire<br/>I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred<br/>Giving Him Something He Can Feel by En Vogue<br/>Come to My Window by Melissa Ethridge<br/>Your Man by Josh Turner<br/>Pony by Genuine<br/>Sharp Dressed Man by Trent Harmon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Larry strolled into Hannigan’s on Saturday just like he did every week. And just like every week, he threw a wave to Stacy and Anthony behind the bar and nodded to a few of his regulars who were already sitting and chatting. And just like every week, he climbed up on stage to start setting up his gear for his karaoke party. This week, however, something was different.<br/>
As he reached the stage, he found Klaus already sitting in the little chair behind the booth. “Hey there Lare!”<br/>
“Hey Klaus, you looking for a job?”<br/>
“Me!? Heavens no! We got dear old Dad’s money when he kicked it. That plus my sugar daddy behind the bar and I will never work a day in my life.”<br/>
“Ok.” Larry started to set up as Klaus gave him the run down of the Hargreeves clan’s newest foray into ‘surprising the shit out of Larry every week.’</p><p>“Ok, here’s the deal. We are having kind of a contest and was hoping you could help us out.”<br/>
Larry winced at the ideas that ran through his head of what they could possibly compete in. “If this is a ‘master of my domain’ thing…I’m sorry, I just don’t like you guys enough to judge that.”<br/>
Klaus laughed and slapped him on the back. “No, no, nothing that sick…on the right track though. You see, we were all sitting around the other day debating on what would be the sexiest song to sing at Larry-oke.”<br/>
“Uh huh…”<br/>
“And Diego made a fare point that the song is only as sexy as the one singing it.”<br/>
“True.”<br/>
“So, we are having a sexy sing-off!”</p><p>“You’re having a what now?” Larry stopped everything he was doing and gave his full attention to the skinny man in front of him.<br/>
“A sexy sing-off. Each of us picked a song we think would make us most appealing and we are going to do that song tonight and we need a judge. You are as impartial as they get.” Klaus’ face suddenly got very serious as he put a hand on Larry’s shoulder. “We trust you.”<br/>
“Um. Thanks?” </p><p>Larry watched Klaus skip back to their table and got a wonderful, terrifying idea. He finished setting up and went over to Stacy to have her set up some jars for him and the two of them got to writing. “What’s all this for?” Stacy said as she wrote Luther’s name on one of the jars.<br/>
“It’s for a contest of sexiness. I’ll explain once the show starts.”<br/>
“Well, I know there isn’t a jar for him, but my vote is already for Brooks Brothers over there at the end of the bar.” Larry looked to where Stacy was pointing and simply chuckled. She had a thing for guys in expensive suits but didn’t really get to see many in her line of work. He simply wished her good luck and went back to the stage.</p><p>Just before showtime, he sauntered over to the Hargreeves table and cleared his throat. “Ok, here’s how it’s going to work. Each of you will get one song. At the bar there are jars that have each of your names on them and people can vote by tipping the bartenders in which jar they think is the sexiest performance. That way, poor Stacy and Anthony can still get something out of having to see you lot try to be sexy. I will not be judging.” He saw Klaus’ face turn into a pout but brighten immediately when he added. “Because I will be competing.”</p><p>Larry looked around to the rest of the table and asked, “where’s Five?”<br/>
“He wussed out.” Diego huffed. “Didn’t even come to watch the rest of these guys crash and burn.”<br/>
“What do you mean, rest of these guys?” Luther bristled. “I’ll have you know that I chose what might be the sexiest song ever written.”<br/>
“Yeah, but it’s all in the delivery, big man.” Diego leaned back in his chair, confidence oozing from every pore. “I got this in the bag.”</p><p>Larry left them to their pissing match and headed back onstage. </p><p>“Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to Hannigan’s bar and this is…” He held his mic out to the crowd and his regulars chanted back at him, “LARRY-OKE!!”<br/>
“That’s right, it’s your old pal Larry, ready to spin some tunes so you can spit some lyrics. We have a special something for you guys tonight. To help me explain, I’d like to welcome to the stage, Klaus!”</p><p>Klaus bounced up to the mic and took it from Larry’s hand, bowing gracefully before announcing. “Ladies…and gentlemen…and those who have yet to make up their minds.” This was followed by a wink and an explanation of the rules. One song each, tip jars at the bar. Voting open until the end of the night. “I do have to point out, at the threat of homicide, that this contest is for the Hargreeves men only. Oh, and our honorary brother, Larry. Allison and Vanya are not…” He looked over to the table and called out, “what did you call us sis?”<br/>
Allison called back with a smirk. “Dimwitted Neanderthals!”<br/>
“Right…what she said.” He looked at Larry and nodded and Larry cued up Klaus’ song.</p><p>Klaus got right into it. Pawing at himself and caressing his leather pants as he screeched out a somewhat passable version of, I Touch Myself by The Divinyls. He was really going for the ‘presentation’ angle of the performance. Good call, Larry thought. The boy can’t sing, but he certainly can move. As the song ended, Larry couldn’t help but notice quite a few people putting cash in the Klaus jar.</p><p>Ben was called to the stage next and no matter how many times he sang, Larry would still be amazed at Klaus’ ability to make Ben visible while cruising the crowd and flirting with anything that moves. The most spiritual Hargreeves sang I’ll Make Love to You by Boyz II Men and Larry could hear one woman whisper to her friend as he left the stage, “He can haunt my dreams anytime.”</p><p>Emily hopped up when called and declared that she was inspired by Klaus to keep the ‘self love’ theme going and sang She Bob by Cyndi Lauper. Then a new girl froze halfway during Fancy staring at the empty seat at the Hargreeves table. Larry made a mental note to maybe not have Ben sing so early in the night.</p><p>Larry read Luther’s slip and nearly couldn’t cue up the right song. He was trying to hold back the laughter and read his computer screen through the tears that started to flow at Luther’s idea of ‘the sexiest song ever written.’ It was as if the poor guy googled ‘sexy songs’ and went with it. He would say something but deep down inside Larry wanted to win.</p><p>In his defense. Luther KILLED it. When he started in, sans music, in a low growl “I’m too sexy for my love, to sexy for my love love’s going to leave me.” No one was laughing. When the synthy pop beat started and he began to dance, Larry knew he had to step up his game. Naivety is sexy and Luther had that market cornered. </p><p>Allison was up next and the way she slinked around the stage singing “Giving him something he can feel” by En Vogue, Larry was very glad she didn’t enter the contest, because that would have sealed the deal for her. Larry followed her up with having Vanya step up to the mic and sing “Come to My Window” by Melissa Ethridge. After she was done, she headed back to the table full of women that she had been hanging out with more and more and one of them slid an empty glass over to her with a post-it and Vanya’s name scrawled on it. All of them put dollars into it, making the shy girl blush.</p><p>Larry decided it was now or never. He picked what he thought would be the sexiest song for his deep baritone. He felt pretty proud as he saw the bills piling up in his jar at the sounds of his smooth voice doing his best Josh Turner Impression as he declared how much it turns him on, just to be Your Man. He finished the song and shot a glance over at Diego and winked as he said into the mic. “You’re welcome ladies.” Diego simply shrugged and Larry got a bit worried.</p><p>“Alright Romeo.” He looked down at the paper and forgot he had a mic in his hand. “Shit.” The crowd laughed a bit at his candidness as Diego strutted on stage and took it from him. “Watch and learn Larry-san.”<br/>
Larry sat down and pushed play, knowing that Diego had him beat even if he half-assed his song choice. He knew he wouldn’t, though. Diego played to win.</p><p>As the opening beats of Ginuine’s Pony started Larry couldn’t help but think that they should just change the name of the damn movie to “Magic Diego.” That man could make a legit career of stripping. Then the singing started, and Diego hopped off the stage. There was not a woman in the front row who didn’t get an up close and personal taste of what they were all going to be voting for. Larry was screwed. He looked over at the rest of the Hargreeves and based on all the jaws on the floor, not only were they not expecting this, they also knew that they had no chance of winning now. </p><p>After the song was over, Diego strolled purposely by the bar to watch people putting bills in his jar. He cruised in front of the stage and tossed the mic at Larry who nearly dropped it after what he just witnessed. He was just about ready to call the contest when he glanced down at his table and saw one last slip of paper. He grabbed it and looked closer, making sure he was reading it right. He swiveled his head to look all around the room but didn’t see the person on the slip so he figured there was only one way to find him. “Not so fast Diego.” The man in question looked up from his bragging to stare at Larry. “We have a late comer to the contest and I for one HAVE to see what he is going to do. Ladies and gentlemen…Number Five.”</p><p>The crowed looked around as did the Hargreeves family. As Larry saw the man approach you could have knocked him over with a feather. It was Brooks Brother’s himself. As he got closer to the stage Larry immediately recognized the smirk and the dimple and despite it being very much impossible, there was no denying it. It was Five. He climbed the stairs and took the mic from Larry. “What?...How?” Was all Larry could manage. The man, now easily in his late twenties simply grinned and turned toward the crowd. Larry pulled himself together and quickly typed in the song title and artist and when he found the right track, hit play.</p><p>Sharp Dressed man was always a favorite of Larry’s. But hearing it slowed down in the style of Trent Harmon and seeing it being sung by an attractive man in a tailored suit made it all the more memorable. The notes oozed out of him and when he hit the chorus of “Every girls crazy bout a sharp dressed man,” Larry caught Diego’s stare and they both knew they had been beat.</p><p>After the excitement of the evening died down and people started trickling out of the bar, Larry headed over to the Hargreeves’ table and sat down next to Five. He couldn’t stop staring and knew the explanation would be far more fantastical than anything he could make up. “So. What the hell?”<br/>
Five looked to Larry and chuckled a bit. “I finally figured out a way to trick my body into thinking it was traveling through time while not actually doing it. The growth in my cells accelerated as if I was living 17 years in a matter of hours.”<br/>
“I don’t get it.”<br/>
“Well, you would…”<br/>
His siblings finished the sentence for him. “If you were smarter.”</p><p>Larry ignored the comment and went on. “Why now?”<br/>
“Well it’s like this, Larry. I really hate to lose. I figured there was no way that a 15 year old kid was going to be sexy, let alone have anyone vote for him due to feeling pretty gross about it. So, I figured…what the hell?”<br/>
“Are you telling me that you risked God knows what to your body…went out and bought a tailored suit which cost, what about a grand? And sat at the end of the bar all night waiting for a dramatic reveal all to win a hundred bucks?”<br/>
“It’s not about the money Larry. It’s about the win.”</p><p>“Huh.” Larry sat back as the family finished their drinks and started out toward the parking lot. “Hey, where’s Delores?”<br/>
Five grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and sighed. “We had to part ways. As a kid I could easily be written off as a little crazy, even a bit adorable with my imaginary girlfriend but as an adult…” Just then Stacy rushed up beside them and linked her arm in Five’s. “You ready?”<br/>
He looked back at Larry. “We all need to grow up sometime, Larry.” And with that, Five left with Stacy and Larry was left just as dumbfounded as the day he met the Hargreeves nearly two years ago.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, there's another Larry-oke in the bag! </p><p>I do have a crazy idea for how to get Five back to his surly teenage self if the idea of an aged up Five isn't doing it for you. I kind of want to keep him older and maybe turn him into a bit of a ladies man for a while. Let me know what you all think!</p><p>And as always...song suggestions are always welcome. (I am working on that group number, BTW)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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